TFLN #6

(513): i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later.

(512): I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

(323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
(1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again?

(780): i just fell asleep masturbating. I’m no longer surprised i’m single. I can’t even pleasure myself.