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Tag Archives: umbrellas

As a 5’2″ gal, I’m what you’d call vertically challenged. My dear sweet brother had me completely convinced that I was actually classed as a midget til I was about 13 – before I scraped over the 5 ft mark. This was of course after paying me to dress up as an Oompa Loompa for some Halloween mirth for him and his chums. Well the laugh’s on you bruv. After years of sizeable hurdles put in place – never being able to reach top shelf magazines without a fuss, having to climb to reach top of fridge only for fridge to fall on top of you and have a pickle jar break over your head and various accidents as a result of wearing between 5 and 7 inch heels, I’ve begun to start seeing some of the benefits of my own unique outlook on the world.



It’s probably the only time I’m an actual menace walking the streets but seeing people veer off the road to avoid me and my umbrella (which is the perfect height for eye gouging, like ninja stars but bigger) leaves me with no small amount of pride. My ASBO-certified, hoodied brothers and sisters in arms – I get it! Who said having people fear you wasn’t awesome?

Another rather neat fringe benefit is the covertness a simple everyday tool like an umbrella allows when combined with an under average sized user. When caught blatantly objectifying someone very pretty (or pretty initially and ghastly on further inspection) or (and far more likely around London town) some weirdo’s trying to talk to you, simply grimace, grit teeth, pull down your brolly til it nestles comfortably and neatly on your head and they’ll literally have to bend double to look you in the eye. Win for the shawties!