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(516): Things to remember: Girls don’t appreciate it when you yell “Beast Mode!” when switching to doggy style.

(608): Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea.

(828): So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

(714): his text ended with … everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time.

(301): My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.

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