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A few TFLN doozies, for my negligence of late:

(734): I’m at the store buying plan b and vodka
(231): the cocktail of hope

(770): Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet

(858): we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open
(215): i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that’s like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.

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