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Texts from last night is part of my daily reading schedule, right after – and sometimes before – the news. I’ve decided to post my daily favourite, but to kick off, here’s a selection of some doozies over the past while. Enjoy. And share amongst your friends. Although not amongst new friends, trust me, they’ll judge you.

(856): If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.

(865): you can’t get genital warts from dogs can you?

(248): I miss having pregnancy scares ….at least i knew i was having a good time

(306): Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as ‘check every 3 months to see if she’s single yet’?

(585): i’m sorry if your life is a sore subject

(828): There’s a dead frog in my kitchen?
(402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
(402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of “Making love out of nothing at all”

and some oldies:

(314): So I went on a date with this girl…and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn’t tell me about to afford my bday present

(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

My favourite:

(212): i want you now

(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother…or stop drinking so much…I don’t want to see this

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